Lessons from Chaos: Parenting a Big Family and Simplifying Life

When I married Fenwick we, all of a sudden, became a big family. I think I’ve done a crash course in parenting over the past few years and am finally coming out the other side of a steep learning curve! Now I can reflect back at all the ways we grown as a family AND become a little more organised all round. Here are my top tips for staying sane!

Focus on the week, not the day

When it comes to food, fun activities and family contentment I shift my focus to the the whole week - especially in the holidays! Parenting a big family can make it challenging to maintain a healthy routine every day. When there’s so much going on I often only have time to scavenge the fridge for a selection of ingredients to pass off to the kids as a ‘picnic’. Monday - Healthy balanced meal, Wednesday fridge raided picnic, Friday chicken nuggets. Who know what we ate the rest of the week but by zooming out and looking at the bigger picture I feel like I can cut myself some slack. On the tricky days I might feel that the kids haven’t eaten or played healthy at all but by the end of the week the picture seems a lot more balanced. If this week feels bleak just use the whole month - give yourself a break.

One Load of Laundry a Day

In a big family Laundry piles up like a gremlin multiplies in water. For pure survival I make sure I do a minimum of 1 load a day. If I don’t then I quickly ending up resenting anyone putting clean clothes on. ONE load a day will never empty the laundry basket but we’re on damage control here not laundry basket domination.

Screw the Socks:

I’ve had a few tactics over the years for socks including buying each child a different colour to simplify the task but with being a blended family and so our kids having other parents inevitably the socks migrated and my colour coded system fell on its face. Matching consumes more time than is available in my week so we’re now just embracing the freedom of ‘pot luck socks’. If you find two socks from the same brand then 10 points.

The Power of a Tidy Kitchen at Night

I’ve NEVER regretted staying up a little later in the evening to sort the kitchen for the next day. MANY times have I regretted not doing it. This might not be something that bothers you but I find coming into a room full of sticky fingers and yesterdays dishes really miserable. I also hate wasting the first hour of my day like this instead of sipping my morning coffee on the front doorstep while staring at the plants i’m nurturing and listening to the kids poke and kick each other in the hallway.

Emergency Tactics

Some days it seems like my kids get sent to their rooms every 2 blooming minutes. Sometimes I’m so fed up of disciplining them that I just go for ultimate distraction instead. I have a cupboard full of little things I’ve collected through the year like toys in the sale, paints, slime kits and stale baking ingredients. I hand them a bowl, a spoon and all of this and show them the door. They can make as much mess in the garden as they like and I get some peace from the bickering. We’ve got some very strong willed kids -sometimes, survival mode is essential for maintaining sanity in a big family. Sometimes I need a break and the kids need reminded there are other activities available over fighting.

Holiday bags

With the farm and the attraction business there’s a lot on for us even in the school holidays. lots of our outings are spontaneous meaning not lots of time to plan. At the beginning of the holidays I get the kids ‘holiday rucksacks’ and fill them with fun things and essentials. As a family we go to the river a lot so this year the kids got some inflatable rings, marshmallows or the campfire and snorkels! These bags can hang on their pegs with everything in they might need for an outing - change of clothes, rain jacket, swim stuff etc and if we want to head out we just lift and go. I cannot describe how ace this is. Not only is everything there at the drop of a hat but each child is responsible for their own stuff. If they get to the river without their towel one week I’m dead sure they won’t do it again the next!! I can’t do everything forever …

Time for us?

The one thing we haven’t quite got sorted yet is time for Fenwick and I. With so many kids and things going on getting time together is tough. When we do eventually have time we’re often so tired we struggle yo enjoy it. We’ve certainly learnt not to waste money on a night away where we have a ‘wee nap’ before heading out for a meal and accidentally wake up the next day. I often tell Fenwick, ‘now is not the season’. I know the season for time together will come and it’ll be wonderful when it does. For now we embrace the chaos, the busyness and lay our heads, tired, on each others shoulders after tea time and do rock, paper, scissors over the dishwasher. Our time will come.